Your most genuine thought
drips from your lips
with insincerity.
Your conscious effort to
break me burns in your
eyes as a warning.
I can't hold back;
you consume me,
spit me out
a shell of a girl.
No sparkle
no shine
just pale skin
and sullen eyes
on a dull and lifeless body.
No inner beauty burning hope and
faith
The candle flickers--
Out.

Human Touch

in the clouds looms clarity

beyond the reality and chaos of human life

only angels know the truth.

sheltered from our ruin, they know but love and peace.

clouds as wisps of nothingness

that we can see.

in dreams we almost reach

the magical kingdom

which we are not worthy of.

if human touch came near it,

destroyed then it would be.

for paradise has no chance

when sweaty hands

and scheming minds

may touch upon serenity.

Shiver and shame

Shiver and shame
like the wind in the trees
floating rambunctiously towards
hell
heat waves make sweat pour from my skull
fire licks at my fiber.
Sizzling with terror
an abrupt halt to my flight
no escape as gates open
and swallow me whole.

The hollow aching inside my chest

You gave me this pencil, you gave me this book.
You gave me this gift in one simple look.
You've made me so happy and made me complete,
and when you go, it will be my defeat.

I hold back the tears now, eyes stinging in pain.
The void in my life will always remain.
You are my beauty, my passion, my love.
It was you who always lifted me above.

Now I'm falling fast to the reality below.
I never realized I'd been living so low.

You made it so easy to forget who I am.

 (This one is from when I was 16.)

Fingertips

Fingertips touch
they glide smoothly over bodies
like ivory

Fingertips glide
like gentle kisses
on a sunny day

Fingertips kiss
a gentle caress
like silk against soft skin

Fingertips caress
like rain against naked bodies
a downpour of tiny drops

Fingertips drip
when they melt
against a body

The touch of a fingertip is like no other.

This one is definitely from 7th grade

The Family falls apart
A series of broken hearts
A telephone call
That changed it all
For man and wife
Their beautiful life
their love and their laughter
their "happily ever after"
vanished
into the night.
still searching for a light,
they look for their old flame
and feeling nothing but shame.

Circle

I could have been done,
I could have been through,
I could have been finished
talking to you.
But now instead
after our long discussion,
after all that's been said,
it's all just repetition.

Not sure when this one was written...

Filled with the sense of eternity
clock ticking second, minutes, hours wasted.
struggling with myself
the action I can't control
thoughts racing, pressing themselves into my consciousness.
Battling my will, pressuring sanity.
frustration mounting...
and the clock keeps ticking
seconds, minutes...
hours...
searching for calm, serenity, peace, relaxation
pulled back out of the black
1,2,3,3,2,1--
The future, tomorrow, lists, Remember!
wait, wait, wait.
3, 2, 1--
duties, responsibilities, obligations
no!
2, 1--
melody, music, checks, bills, questions
father, mother, sister, brother...
the clock is still ticking,
1--
counting down to the end
no release, no quiet inside
no moment for myself.
--

Losing the Fight

I sit down to talk,
then I realize I'm speaking to a rock.
He doesn't listen
but keeps on insisting;
he's sure he's right,
no chance for me to win this fight.
And as I begin to cry,
I can see in his eyes
that everything I try to make him hear
is falling on deaf ears.

Cleansing My Body and Soul

When I stand in the shower,
I'd love to stay there for hours.
As the warm liquid glides over my skin,
it cleanses my soul of all its sins.

Blissful Agony

My heart breaks
My head aches
My stomach churns
and my desire burns
but I wouldn't give away
a second of this
agony--it's bliss
the best pain I've ever felt

Finding the Courage

Should i sit here in compliance?
Or should i stand up with defiance?
Should i stay? i'm beginning to wonder
Or should i leave the lightning and thunder?
Turn my back on this storm?
Help my life take on new form?
If i stay, is it of no use?
Am i a victim of abuse?
Should i leave this "romance"?
Does he deserve another chance?
Now is the time to make this choice.
Should i stay or listen to the voice
inside my head that tells me to leave...
and if i do will he grieve?
Or will he go and hunt more prey?
and will she be foolish enough to stay?
My choice i can no longer delay,
so I stand up and walk away.

Peaceful Chaos

A calm spreads throughout the chaos,
people quiet down.
The pandemonium settles itself,
and life goes back to normal.
Hopefully this stillness will stay
until the morning sun.
When people awaken
from a quiet sleep
to a strange new world.
That's when everyone is
at their loudest,
and that's when I'm at my most peaceful.
The world is back in control,
jolted from its vulnerable, angelic sleep.
And I can sleep now,
without a care, knowing that
Chaos will save me from Catastrophe.

Introduction

So here's the deal:

I recently discovered an old box full of poems, most of which were written during my teens years.  I know, I know, I was the cliche teenage girl working out her angst and her love life through her poetry.  It's true, but I thought I had lost all these poems to the recycling bin, and to be honest, I barely remembered half of them when I read them the other day.  In an effort to avoid losing them, I've decided to type them up.  I figured since half the work will be done, why not just put them out there, and see what comes back?  Don't misunderstand me; I'm not so delusional as to believe that they're special to anyone but me (and my mom, haha). I've started writing again lately, so I'll include more recent poetry, too.  I'm not editing or revising the ones from when I was younger (at least not yet).  I think I started writing them in about 7th grade, so I'll start with those poems.  Here we go...